Meltdowns and Frustration Tolerance Continued

Feb 15, 2023
Recommending ways to discipline your child without the Time-Out approach or Naughty-Chairs, and removal of Toys and iPads, phones etc.

I don't recommend "time-out discipline", "naughty rugs/chairs" and asking "why questions" as the first choice in your parenting - it is important for the child's developing ego during a meltdown to have the parent to keep him/her safe from these big emotions by holding the child facing outward on your lap (opposite of a hug while stating: "I am holding your to help keep you safe from these big feelings you are having. When you feel in control and calm down, are no longer upset, let me know by saying:" I'm in control of my _______feelings and I will not ____ (specific behavior) - example: continue to hit, scream, throw toys, etc.". It is too simplistic to believe that change will come immediately - there is wriggling on your lap and upset, but if you keep with the program, do not over-talk, stay calm and the results of less anger, demands, and meltdowns will fade into the past.


After your child's self-control is regained, praise and encourage your child for calming down and resume prior positive activity.

Sending a child for a time-out sends away the negative feelings in the child and it is critical for learning frustration tolerance that parents are present as the child's auxiliary ego until the child can assume feeling management/self-control. I have known many children who stew in very negative thoughts during their time-out spaces/room, chairs, and rugs, and then pop out, shriek dishonestly about how the time-out is over, and immediately return to the exact behavior that brought them there in the first place.  Your goal is always to narrate and understand your child's feelings first and help to give them the language to express what is occurring internally.

The above discussion and suggestions are a few tools to help your child to learn affective expression and internal limits as a form of self-soothing and to make positive gains on the road to frustration tolerance.